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The Matrix by Dan Joseph copyright Dan Joseph and Quiet Mind Publishing, LLC Dan Joseph is the author of Inner Healing and Inspired by Miracles, two books inspired by A Course in Miracles. Dan invites you to sign up for his free monthly newsletter at http://www.DanJoseph.com. There is a method of inner healing that's very common in the field of cognitive therapy. I find it to be a powerful technique, and one that's consistent with the teachings of A Course in Miracles. In this article, I'd like to present a slightly modified version of this method, and illustrate how it can be used in daily life. I call it "The Matrix." In this practice, you create a set of columns and rows on a piece of paper - a matrix. I've outlined the format below. Then you use this matrix to reorient your thoughts and feelings. Here is the format: Distressing Situation Distressing Feelings Self-Attacking Thoughts Self-Forgiving Thoughts Let me fill that in with an example. A few seconds ago, I knocked a cup of coffee onto my computer. For me, that counts as a distressing situation. Therefore, it's a good experience to plug into the matrix. Here is how I began to fill in the boxes: Distressing Situation Distressing Feelings Self-Attacking Thoughts Self-Forgiving Thoughts I spilled my coffee onto my computer. Frustration Guilt Nervousness In the first column, I simply described the situation. In the second column, I made a list of some of my feelings: in this case, frustration (with myself), guilt (about my mistake), and nervousness (about the repercussions of the situation). I find it helpful to make this feeling-list. By naming our specific feelings, we bring them up into awareness. We take ourselves out of denial. We reduce the tendency to "squash things down." However, in this practice, we don't stop there. We use our feelings to move on to the underlying thoughts. As I mentioned in my book Inner Healing, the relationship between feelings and thoughts is like the relationship between smoke and fire. Distressing feelings are the smoke. Distressing thoughts are the fires that give rise to the smoke. In this case, where there's smoke, there is fire - where there are distressing feelings, there are distressing thoughts underneath. In column three, we uncover the thoughts which are fueling the feelings. Here is what I came up with: Distressing Situation Distressing Feelings Self-Attacking Thoughts Self-Forgiving Thoughts I spilled my coffee onto my computer. Frustration Guilt Nervousness That was such a dumb thing to do. I should be more careful. My computer is probably going to break now, and it's all my fault. I'll probably have to pay a lot of money to fix it. People are going to laugh at me if they see how careless I am. As you can see, I uncovered three sets of self-attacking thoughts in column three. I probably could have come up with many more - but these were a good start. Writing them out in the matrix was extremely helpful. To be honest, I wasn't even aware of these thoughts until I wrote them out. As I filled in this third column, the key was to realize that my feelings (in column two) were coming from my thoughts (in column three), not simply from the situation. You could say that the situation was a "trigger" for the thoughts. I'm certainly not glad that I spilled coffee on my computer. But it was the thoughts that I needed to work on now. Let me now move on to column four - the heart of this exercise. In the final column of the matrix, you substitute self-forgiving thoughts for each of the self-attacking thoughts in column three. This is the big step. This turns the mind from self-criticism to self-forgiveness; from distress to peace. As you do this, you can focus on simply moving in the right direction. You don't have to take a huge leap into complete forgiveness; you can take a series of little steps. Every bit of progress is helpful. Here is what I came up with, as I made this substitution: Distressing Situation Distressing Feelings Self-Attacking Thoughts Self-Forgiving Thoughts I spilled my coffee onto my computer. Frustration Guilt Nervousness That was such a dumb thing to do. I should be more careful. It wasn't a dumb thing to do; it was simply an accident. And besides - my worth isn't dependent on how "careful" I am. My computer is probably going to break now, and it's all my fault. I'll probably have to pay a lot of money to fix it. Actually, the computer seems fine. But even if I do need to repair the computer, I can do that in a self-forgiving state of mind. People are going to laugh at me if they see how careless I am. If people laugh at me, that's their problem. Everyone makes mistakes at times. Those self-forgiving thoughts may not have been the "highest" thoughts in the world, but they helped me to shift my mind toward a more self-forgiving space. As I did that, the feelings of frustration, guilt, and nervousness were replaced - to some degree - by a greater sense of peace and self-acceptance. That is the goal of this practice. I find that this "cognitive restructuring" work - replacing self-attacking thoughts with self-forgiving thoughts - is like priming a pump. We locate our self-attacking thoughts, and replace them with self-forgiving thoughts. We do this mechanical work over and over until the flow of loving, forgiving thoughts begins to run on its own. There is some work to do at the beginning. But we're simply preparing our minds to receive the divine flow. _____________ Opening the Doors: A Story by Dan Joseph copyright Dan Joseph and Quiet Mind Publishing, LLC Dan Joseph is the author of Inner Healing and Inspired by Miracles, two books inspired by A Course in Miracles. Dan invites you to sign up for his free monthly newsletter at http://www.DanJoseph.com. Once upon a time, a man and a woman were given a big house. Actually, it wasn't just a big house that they were given - it was an enormous house. There seemed to be no end to it. After counting several hundred rooms, they gave up trying to figure out how large it was. The man and the woman were delighted by their new home. They spent weeks enjoying it. Then, one day, they had a conversation. "You know," said the man, "this is a gigantic house. We have all this room." "So much room," said the woman. "And I have to tell you," said the man, "I'm getting a little tired of taking the garbage out. It's such a long walk to the trash bins." "A very long walk," agreed the woman. "So I have an idea. Why don't we choose one of these rooms that we don't use, and put our trash in there? No one will ever notice." The woman thought about it. "I suppose that would be OK," she said. And so they began to store their trash in a distant bedroom. It seemed like a fine plan - no one ever visited that section of the house, much less the trash room. After a few months, the room became full with trash. But the system seemed like a good one, so they simply closed the door of the trash room, locked it, and began putting their trash in a second room. This went on for years. The man and the woman filled up one room after another with garbage, never worrying too much about the consequences. After all, their house was enormous. However, there came a day when they realized that they had a problem. "I think we have a problem," said the woman. "I've noticed that there are rats running through the house." "You're right," said the man. "And we've run out of bedrooms to store the trash. At least, all the nearby ones are full." "You know," said the woman, "I didn't realize it, but we never go out of these couple of rooms. The odor is just too strong." "And the rats," said the man. "I confess that I'm afraid of running into them in the hall." So the couple sat for a few moments, pondering their situation. "We better start taking out our trash from now on," said the man. "That's not going to be enough," said the woman. "Though I hate to admit it, we're going to have to unlock the doors and start clearing the old garbage out." Now, this was a horrifying prospect. After all, some of the trash had been stored away for years. There were probably rats and bugs and other such things living in the piles of garbage. But the house needed to be cleansed of the old trash. The couple was overwhelmed at the task before them. Thankfully, at that moment, a wonderful thing happened. A neighbor walked up to the house and rang the couple's doorbell. The neighbor said to them, "I see that you have a problem with your trash. I'm here to help you. I have no fear of garbage or rats or bugs. In fact, my mission on earth is to help people clean their houses up. But I need your cooperation. I need you to walk with me to every trash-filled room, and unlock the doors. You have the keys. I'll do the clean-up work, but I need you to open the doors with me - and keep them open." The couple was certainly glad to have help. But they were still horrified at the job in front of them. "The smell is so bad," said the woman. "I don't know if we can unlock these doors." "And the rats," said the man. "Don't forget the rats - they may bite us. I think we should just keep things locked." "I need your help," said the neighbor. "I can do the clean-up work, but only if you'll open the doors with me. When you're ready, I'm here to help." And that is where many of us find ourselves today. Opening the Doors We are the men and women who live in the big house. The house, as you may have guessed, is the mind. The piles of trash are the unloving thoughts that we've generated over the years. Many of us, like the couple, have come to a point where we're tired of tiptoeing around our piles of garbage. The system of storing away our unloving thoughts hasn't worked. We've come to feel trapped and squashed. Though our home is enormous, we've reduced it to a meager few rooms. Thankfully, we have help. The neighbor in the story is the Spirit of God, the Inner Healer. It is this Spirit's job to clean out our trash. Our part of the process is very small by comparison. We are asked to walk with the Spirit to each closed-off room, unlock the doors, and allow the cleaning process to begin. There can be some trepidation in this work; after all, approaching our locked doors and taking a look at our piles of trash may feel disconcerting. But thankfully, it is the Spirit's job to do the clean-up work. Our job is simply to unlock the doors. A Common Form Let me give an example of what I mean by our trash. One common form of garbage is grievances, or resentments. You could also call them "thoughts of separation." Many of us generate a significant amount of this type of trash every day. A common tendency is to fill up a room with this type of garbage, and then - when the room becomes full - lock it away and decide never to go back inside. A Course in Miracles asks us to open all these locked doors, face our unloving thoughts, and immediately allow the Divine Transformer to clean them up. We're asked to open up all our rooms, including those called, "My thoughts about my ex-girlfriend," "My thoughts about my former boss," and, "My thoughts about this person who criticized me." It's essential to stop hiding this garbage away. One important teaching from the Course (and many other spiritual and psychological systems) is that we can't release what we're unwilling to admit. If we say, "Oh, no - I don't have any unloving thoughts toward so-and-so," then the Spirit can't clean them up. We need to honestly acknowledge our blocks, so that they can immediately be replaced with new, loving thoughts. This process can't begin until we unlock the doors. Does this mean that we have to spend years and years delving into our thoughts about every past relationship? I don't think so. By beginning with the immediate ones, we form a pattern. As this pattern continues, we'll become more able (or willing) to unlock whole floors of doors at a time. The key is to simply admit that we need Help, and express our willingness to let that Help in. A Simple Way to Start One easy way to begin this clean-up process is to choose a relationship that seems neutral. Even in "neutral" human relationships, there is often a significant amount of separation, wariness, and distance that we place between each other. We can allow the Spirit to clean out our "neutral" rooms first, and move on from there in a state of greater peace. As an example of this, the next time you walk into a store, you can allow the Spirit to clean up any separation thoughts between you and the person behind the counter. You may not be aware of any separation thoughts, but the Course promises that when our thoughts of separation have been divinely replaced, we'll know it. We'll be stunned by the love we feel and the beauty we perceive in the person before us. I invite you to try this, the next time you interact with a clerk in a clothing store or a coffee shop or supermarket. If you wish, you can say a little prayer before you walk in: Spirit of God, I open the door of this relationship to you. Please clean out any separation thoughts from my mind. Redecorate this room with your lovely, loving thoughts. I am willing to have my view of this person transformed. This can produce touching results, and inspire us in our efforts to continue the room-opening process. Again, it's the Spirit's job to effect the healing. Our job is simply to unlock our blocked-up rooms, and keep the doors open as the inner transformation takes place. Dan Joseph is the author of Inner Healing and Inspired by Miracles, two books inspired by A Course in Miracles. Dan invites you to sign up for his free monthly newsletter at http://www.DanJoseph.com. __________ Identity by Dan Joseph copyright Ó Dan Joseph and Quiet Mind Publishing, LLC Dan Joseph is the author of Inner Healing and Inspired by Miracles, two books inspired by A Course in Miracles. Dan invites you to sign up for his free monthly newsletter at http://www.DanJoseph.com. Growing up, I was what you'd call an overachieving kid. I always tried to be the best at everything. Sometimes I'd pull it off - I'd get the best grade in the class, and feel great. Other times I'd fall short in my efforts, and feel terrible. Through it all, though, I kept striving to be the best. This went on for years. Eventually I made it into an Ivy League university. It seemed, at the time, like the greatest achievement. I remember walking around campus at the start of my freshman year, taking in the sights like I was in paradise. Then a funny thing happened. I began to feel disoriented. I had spent my life in a quest for achievement, and I had made it to a top school. But now what? I was an achiever; however, there was nothing left to achieve. The A's and B's on my report card weren't giving me the fix I needed. That was the beginning of a downward spiral. Looking back, I see that I was like an addict who had built up a tolerance to a drug. I needed more achievements under my belt - and not any achievements, but bigger and better ones. If I couldn't top my previous accomplishments, I felt terrible. A little more than a year after I entered college, I began to feel desperate. I had achieved even more by that time - I had set up a business, landed a resume-building job, and so forth. But I was very unhappy. It was at that point that I began working with A Course in Miracles. The Course introduced me to a radically new philosophy. It said that every one of us is inherently, perfectly worthy - regardless of what we've done (or haven't done) in the world. It said that there is nothing that we can do to change our worth. It encouraged us to simply practice forgiveness, in order to strip away the veneer of our false concepts and reveal this inherent, unchangeable worth. Those ideas were a shock to me. My worth wasn't coming from my achievements? There was nothing I could do to increase or decrease my worth? It made my mind spin. And it began to give me a sense of an identity that I had never before seen. A Choice According to the Course, our sense of identity is split between two poles: the ego and the spirit. No one here has a full spirit-identification, and no one is completely identified with the ego, either. We're all somewhere in between. You could say that the spiritual path involves shifting our identification from one of these poles to the other. We make the choice to identify with the spirit, and thus begin to resolve the sense of split. To clarify this choice, let me outline some basic beliefs of the ego and the spirit. The ego-oriented part of the mind isn't very supportive. It tells us things like: "You know, you're a rather lacking person. But if you accomplish this thing and get that thing, you might have a decent chance of redeeming yourself." That belief system keeps us locked in endless quests for achievement and acquisition. Before reading the Course, I didn't know that there was any other way to go through life. The spirit-centered part, on the other hand, says: "You have everything, because you are enfolded in the love of God. In fact, you have so much worth and peace and gifts within you that you only need to give them away. The treasures that you have are limitless, and they'll grow in your awareness as you share them." What a different message! These two belief systems - one of worthlessness and scarcity, the other of worth and abundance - inspire completely different approaches to life. To illustrate the difference, think about how each of these play out in human relationships. If we approach our relationships from the ego's perspective, we'll constantly be trying to get and grab things from people: attention, affection, respect, approval. I have spent much of my life in this type of quest, and I've found that it leads to nothing but misery. On the other hand, when we approach our relationships from the spirit's perspective, things are completely different. Each person gives us an opportunity to extend our blessings and share our gifts. Each encounter allows us to increase our awareness of our inner treasures. We give from our abundance, and find, miraculously, that our abundance increases. To use some Course terminology, this is the primary difference between a "special relationship" and a "holy relationship." In special relationships, we try to get things from other people - things that we believe are lacking within ourselves. We essentially try to steal a sense of worth from others. In holy relationships, on the other hand, we don't try to grab or steal anything. Instead, we give, knowing that whatever we give will be increased. We give expressions of love. We share a sense of worth. We focus on the innocence and holiness of the person before us - and as we do that, our own sense of innocence and worth increases. Again, the primary choice before us is whether to identify with the spirit or the ego. A Course in Miracles uses a little logic to persuade us in our choice. It points out that we can't completely abandon the spirit, so the only real way to resolve the split is by completely abandoning the ego. We do this by making the choice for the spirit - by making the choice to share its beliefs, and follow its inspiration. Day by day, we strengthen our choice. Practice I always like to bring these ideas to a practical level. As a support for this, let me share an exercise that you can try. When you have a few minutes free, you can go to a public place - a shop, restaurant, park, etc. - and look around you at the people you see. Notice what your reactions are to them. If you're like most of us, you may find yourself engaging in a great deal of evaluation and comparison. For example, you may catch yourself thinking things like: "He looks more successful than me. She's thinner than I am. He's older. She's glamorous," and so forth. This is what the ego does all day. It's constantly engaged in a series of comparisons. This increases our sense of separation and contributes to scarcity-based competitive drives. If you do uncover thoughts like those, simply note them and take a step back from them. Then ask for help in seeing everyone as the spirit does. You may want to focus, as I mentioned above, on the inherent worth of everyone you see. You can say, for example: Spirit of God, help me to see the inherent worth of these people. Help me to see them as perfectly innocent. Show me their beauty and loveliness, And help me to feel my own. Then allow the spirit's perspective to replace the ego's perspective, to whatever degree you're able. You'll know that you're succeeding if you begin to feel a sense of tenderness and warmth toward the people around you - a sense that you're in the presence of people who are beautifully worthy and interesting. As you begin to perceive the people around you through the spirit's vision, you can apply that same vision to yourself. You, too, are perfectly worthy - not because of any accomplishment, but because you're a creation of God. Your value is set far beyond any human scale. That is what the spirit's perspective reveals. ________________ Want to see more articles?
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