Ezine | Books | Main | Music | Links | Web Rings| Awards | DMOZ Directory Portal | Search | Contact | Prayer | Spiritual Teachings | Site Map
|
Featured Columnists Jamie Sanders New Thought Minister, professional speaker, workshop facilitator and television personality Ask Alli Writer, Motivator Jackie Woods expert in the fields of personal growth, communications, and relationships, an author, and a leader of seminars and classes for 20 years Barbara Rose Internationally acclaimed spiritual author and public speaker Current Articles & Categories: Business Parenting/Family Earth Ways Inspirational Self-help Poetry Prosperity Relationships Spiritual Lightwork Health/Healing Daily Feeds Natural Health News Parenting News Vegetarian News Greenpeace News Enviroment News Weekly Updated Horoscopes AngelVoice Tarotscopes Monthly Updated Health/Wellness -- Learn how to care for your mental, physical and emotional health through these educational articles Mom2Mom -- Rachel Webb shares intuitive knowledge and practical ideas for moms who need fresh ideas or just interesting ways of dealing with kids  Past Featured Columnists Susie and Otto Collins Dr Rita Louise Naturopathic Physician, Medical Intuitive Keith Varnum & Sulana Stone Authors. Life Coaches, Radio Hosts, Vision Quest Guides Dan Joseph author of Inner Healing and Inspired by Miracles, two books inspired by A Course in Miracles Linda Salazar Certified Personal Life Coach, Author, Speaker Judith Pennington an author and spiritual teacher... Mary Jo Marchionni Stephanie Bickel ________ Past Articles & Categories: Business Parenting/Family Earth Ways Inspirational Self-help Poetry Prosperity Relationships Spiritual Lightwork Health/Healing ________ LiteBooks.net - Special Interest Children's Books by Lori Lite ________  Blue Dolphin Group, Inc.-- Your magazine free newsletter source _______    _______ Wanted: Inspiring authors with articles for submission. Information: Article submission
______ Affiliates:  Feng Shui @ Dragon Gate: Online Chinese Feng Shui Retail and Resources Aromatherapy, Essential Oils, Aromatherapy Community - Auroma - Established in 1981, Auroma has rapidly become synonymous with quality essential oils and natural botanical products. Auroma.com was launched in 1998 and includes products ranging from essential oils and carrier oils, to massage oils, candles, books, raw The Cancer Information Network - Professionally guided website for cancer patients, their care givers, and healthcare professionals. Choose from over 4000 natural lifestyle products at Gaiam.com! Gardener's Supply Company Visit the World's Largest Candle Store! Candlemart.com SerenityHealth - Award-Winning site, offering magnificent, unique relaxation products at Discount Prices. The SkinStore, Natural Skin Care Products Free Yourself from Emotional Trauma – Gain Emotional Wellness and Intelligence Tai Chi for Busy People. Mind and body fitness to fit any schedule. CLICK HERE Let Wai Lana lead you on the journey to better health and well-being. Visit her online at www.wailana.com ABUNDANT EARTH - Products for People Who Care! |
Index of Articles: Where, Oh Where, Is My Soul Mate? I doubt it would surprise you to know that one of the "Is this person my soul mate," I am asked. "Will I
ever Clearly embedded in our psyche is the notion that there Probably NOT. At least not that effortlessly! Romantic relationships are a primary classroom of life. Am I suggesting that we are wrong to seek that deeply The perspective is simple: We love in order to grow. Of course loving another is a Divinely Inspired Gift Most who inquire about their "soul mate" are looking Someone who transports us into a coupling free of Does such a person exist for each of us? In my Until we have spiritually grown OURSELVES to the So you see, most of us are looking in the WRONG In metaphysical thinking there are terms often used to Your "twin" is thought to have been created with the At some lifetime, it is thought that the two twins It is true that "twin flame" reunions create matings that Twin flame relationships are extremely rare. In my Technically, soul mate relationships are different and You have lived many previous life-times with your soul At most that accounts for only 41% of romantic I would say most of the remaining relationships are And on rare occasion, I think we connect with someone That's a quick review of the spiritual underpinnings of Meanwhile, when you next pine for meeting your ___________________________________________________________ Copyright 2004 Timothy Dexter Latus, All Rights Reserved About the Author: Timothy Dexter Latus, PhD, DPMP, is CEO of Academy of Visit Academy's web site to learn more about Timothy and Back To Top ____________ Changing Your Partner Relationships are never perfect, and rarely do perfect partners come together. At some point in every relationship, partners want to change something about each other. The following are three schools of thought on changing another's behavior and an alternative to each one. You will find the alternatives more useful, easier to implement and more effective. School of Thought I: -------------------- You may never change another, nor may you request change. Seeking change in another is avoiding changing yourself. Your partner is showing you something you don't like in yourself. The change must happen within you. You must strive to become such that the other's behavior no longer bothers you. The Alternative: ---------------- Look at yourself first. If you still find yourself needing to make a request, do it. This will give you the opportunity to practice the vital skills of asking for what you want and negotiating. However, do be aware - making an effective request is definitely a skill. To learn this skill, please read next week's newsletter. School of Thought II: --------------------- You must demand change from the other because if he/she loved you enough surely there would be change. He/she is bad and wrong in the first place for doing the thing that upsets you. He/she is bad and wrong again for not changing without you having to say anything. He/she is very wrong for balking at the change once you demand it. The Alternative: ---------------- People do what they do and say what they say not because of you but because of how they relate to others. This means if your partner is doing something to upset you or bug you, he/she is not doing it to you, just doing it. Moreover, people cannot read minds. If you do not communicate effectively when something is bothering you, you cannot expect change. You should also know that when you demand, you are not likely to get what you want. And your partner definitely has the right to say no. To create change, make your requests clearly, gently and as soon as you become aware of the need. Your requests are more likely to be granted. However, if they are not granted, you cannot demand change. Making an effective request is definitely a skill. To learn this skill, please read next week's newsletter. School of Thought III: ---------------------- Produce change at any cost or any way you can. Hold back no weapon in your arsenal. Manipulation, nagging, begging, threatening are all fair game. Don't ever give up because, after all, the change is good for your partner. The Alternative: ---------------- When you request change from your partner to further growth and development, it is often very good for him/her. However, any underhanded attempt will be met with resistance and anger. You will not get change. In fact, things may get worse. Your alternative is to ask clearly and openly, with love, for what you want. Again, to learn how to do this read next week's newsletter. If the change is something your partner wants for himself or herself, offer support in creating it. Do this for as long as it takes to create the change. If the answer is no, accept it and deal with the consequences, even if the consequence leads to the end of the relationship. Your Relationship Coach, Rinatta Paries www.WhatItTakes.com (c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!" Back To Top ____________ ____________ Love and Spiritual Healing Anita Sands Anita was a film and t.v. star at age18 and astrologer to the stars of Hollywood by age 29. http://home.earthlink.net/~astrology astrology@earthlink.net "AN ASTROLOGER TELLS YOU HOW TO FIND SUCCESS IN LOVE" By Anita Sands Many of the women I advise suffer from bad relationships. My tragedienne clients all do one thing in common: they make excuses for the rudeness of their sweethearts, the distance he chooses, his lacks, his CHEAPNESS or lack of attentiveness. The suffering woman will always forgive her man for the lacks he creates in her life. It's all very well to say 'Men are from Mars, they are boors and to be a nice girl from Venus and tolerate but we lose one very precious thing when we endure all this---time. Sometimes years. FORGIVING is a very feminine, good trait which enables a mother to forgive children who cry or throw scenes and go on loving her KIDS but this extra dose of forgivingness was not intended by nature to extend to forgiving MEN. As an astrologer, I meet thousands of women a year who are suffering in romances or marriages. Many have suffered and endured the 'same ole behavior' from the guy for decades. There are all kinds of variations: he won't marry, he won't care. May I be permitted to take everything I learned from all this and give you the tricks I finally learned and began telling them? Stop suffering in love. If you pick a man who shows symptoms of being a boor, needing distance, needing his space, all you attract are uncommitted TAKERS. If you pick a man who doesn't encourage your selfhood or patronizes your dreams you pick a man who will be off somewhere with people he respects. And they won't be you. If you endure a man who clams up when you show need, will not get up when you call urgently for help, or goes the opposite direction from the one you tell him to go in, you're probably looking at a covertly hostile neurotic. But what's wrong with you that you picked him? If you accept any of these 'cute, ornery' masculine peccadillos, there is something wrong with your self image and self love. It is damaged, so you tolerate this kind of suffering. In fact, semi deliberately you will tie into a man who would make a terrible father to your KIDS, man who will eventually do the same perverse, uncaring, covertly hostile, passive aggressive stuff to them. Imagine marrying a man who does not treat you right and imagine your children seeing this. Naturally, they start to prefer life when he's not around. Man-hating sons won't become men. Or, if your son makes Dad's behavior "OK" he'll go on to be an abuser just like Pops. Your man-hating daughters will never love or trust a man. They will develop their own inner man and most likely, never marry. If a man isn't a cherishing giver to you in your courtship days, how much less will he be after he's home in an armchair? The married egotist will destroy your children's lives. He won't come up with the money they need for basics and classes and toys. He'll blow it on his OWN toys. DO NOT DO THIS TO YOUR CHILDREN even if they aren't born yet. Especially if they're not. Even if you don't want kids, don't set yourself up for getting mistreated for decades then abandoned when you're too old to find another husband. What I see in suffering women is a desperate addictiveness to some unworthy fellow. Because of this addictiveness, they cannot be pried off the guy. I tell women, 'if you've got a man who's full of defects, pray to GOD for this addictiveness to leave you.' I mean this literally. On hands and knees. Even if God as a caring father were not to exist, prayer works on the unconscious. You start to actually get your hands on your emotional reins and 'turn off' in a subtle way. An 'automatic pilot' goes on in your unconscious. I have seen prayer work on amazing, miraculous levels. When you pray, you are instructing your unconscious to change emotions. Daily Prayer, like water wearing down a rock, drop by drop, on a semi-hypnotic, feverishly felt, repetitive level. You can actually turn the wagon in a l80. Make the decision to practice daily prayer and develop the strength to NOT FORGIVE MEN who do not do right by you. So many women locked in sick relationships proudly tell me, 'look how soft and forgiving I am. How patient, how tolerant' as if they wanted an Oscar for Masochism, as if their decision to go down the drain were this tremendous virtue. Well, it's not a virtue and I never applaud it as such. ENDURING SUFFERING is as intelligent as going into a dark alley and volunteering to be a mugger's victim. And make no mistake. Men all have a latent mugger hormone, testosterone, which says 'fly to many flowers, bee. Never let a sister get on top.' And women all have a soft, PAIN tolerating trait that can be exploited, not only by abusive men but by a woman's own self destructiveness. Plenty of women unconsciously are aroused by suffering. There is a such thing as psychic masochism. Go look the word up in a psychological book at the library. Psychological masochism is a kind of serotonin liberator. (that's the body's natural ecstasy hormone). To be in love is to be EXTRA ALIVE, no matter if it's SUFFERING love. And serotonin is a kind of opiate. Its narcotic effect gets involved with false beliefs, hopes, dreams-- emotionally juicy in the extreme. The pipe dream love haze seems so positive and pink-cloudy on the outside but, like all kinds of opium, it can addict a woman to a life destroying unreality, to an unworthy man, also to the hopes that this man will one day 'be theirs,' when there isn't a realistic CLUE that he would be, from past evidence. In other words, the fellow is distant, does not cherish her feelings, is not loyal or monogamous. When he's at parties, he's glancing around at other women. This man is planning on SEEING other women and lying about it. He doesn't COMMIT his soul to any woman except one who pulls his strings with abuse. He never will love a woman who loves him. Do not tolerate a man who likes emotional distance. That is neurotic and it comes from your having a distant father. Distance will make an unhappy marriage. Not sharing a mutual language is a kind of distance. If all you can talk about is his kayak, his game next Sunday, his career and friends, you don't have a man. You are an out of worth psychologist with a single non-paying client who's using you as a listening post. In little ways, see that your man gives to you on a material level, too. There are women who will forgive a man who doesn't give generously to her. They rationalize it; well, a nice woman doesn't take from her boyfriend. Hey. If a man doesn't WANT YOU above anything else, doesn't pursue you devotedly, want to spend his money on making you happy, give you gifts on every occasion he can find, he is a.) tight as a drum and b.) does not value you and will never make a decent father to any child you two had. And he won't stay around long which may be a blessing. But what lady I ever met realizes this in time, before she has spent decades on the lout? We are the fair sex. Our ego lies to us, and our ID (Freud termed it) i.e., our sexual /romantic nature --is damned if it's going to lose this thing which occasionally makes us feel pink cheeks and heartbeats. So selfishly, we overlook and we forgive. Hey, that's easy for us. We're women. The hormone estrogen helps us forgive, live in a pink cloud, have fantasies, love, hope. We fool ourselves. Men are cursed with a chronically enflamed body part which sends them off on a hunt for meat. As Lenny Bruce once said, 'women don't understand. Men will (boff) anything, at any time.' We'll even boff MUD.' Sometimes a woman will think she has caught a man who doesn't really love her, who is just using her as a quenching devise for his bothersome appetites, for temporary sex. As women have a lot of psychic powers, they sometimes 'create' that man marrying them. But he continues to use this wife as a kind of housekeeper to give him kids, while he pursues his tomcat ways. Don't do this to the unborn children you will one day have. PICK BETTER. Go rent a movie called "Peggy Sue Got Married." Find those "new age" books with titles like "Good women bad men." "How to Break your addiction to a Person" by Halpern "Men Who Can't Love" (Carter & Sokol.) "Getting the Love You Want" by Hendrix. Your Librarian can find you these titles, order them from main library, plus suggest other books on self-esteem, love, relationships. If you're in too deep, Start a support group. Call it "L.A. (Loveaholics Anonymous). Get a local psychologist to talk for free to a paying group. You, as the ongoing seminar's producer, get 75% of the gate. Sell tapes, get her a radio show later. This group will give you a second career plus help you meet loads of women who have love problems. When you see all the 31 varieties of Zebra stripes that Cupid can give women, you'll start to become very wise and discriminating in your own life. Next, meet new men. To do that, attend Singles Parties. Better yet, get a few friends to help you give the parties. That way you have a lot of fun, meet every eligible in town, help eligible people meet one another, plus make money. How to start this? Share this file with a girlfriend or two. Then, together, plant to go to a nice restaurant and tell the owner what you're going to do for him: put l00 guests into his side room for a singles introduction-party on what is usually a 'slow' week night, when he's losing money---a gathering that will bring the cafe a huge bar tab. Restaurant should have a second room, (or in summer, a patio) as you don't want to bother their regular diners. It must have a liquor license. The bar tab is what motivates owner to let you have the room and give you a buffet without your paying him. You'll give your party at an early hour, 6:30 to 9:30 p.m. so owner can go home early. Out of 3 cafes you approach 2 will say yes, because they can't fill that room on a week night, no way, so you have leverage to demand they serve a free meal---vegetables on pasta (bell pepper, broccoli, garlic, parmesan and olive oil and olives on top) with green romaine salad, serving only 50 people, buffet style. This costs the cafe .30c per person. They can afford to donate that food because they are going to expose their cafe to tons of new clients, plus make beaucoup $$ on the bar tab which you tell them in front! This absolutely guarantees the cafes say YES to you. The Next thing you do: TYPE SET or HAND PRINT a flyer, (BIG PRINT) saying WEDNESDAY NIGHT SINGLES" Duplicate it at your local Kinkos. Hang everywhere: in hair salons, barbers,dry cleaners, markets, libraries, gyms, schools, college bulletin boards and hang a quadruple sized, hand lettered POSTER done with black marker pen) on local PHONE POLES saying "PARTY HOTLINE" And a phone number. Put places where your target group is likely to see them. If you call the group "30-Something" hang them at upscale, yuppie markets, boutiques. If older population is your target audience, hang in pharmacies, medical buildings. Then you call it "50-something Singles". Or SOMEBODY (name)'s PERSONALIZED INTRODUCTION PARTIES. Or if you're tired of ORDINARY people, try "VEGETARIAN SINGLES" and have speakers; that way you meet New Age intellectuals. Or Socially Responsible Singles. Whatever the target group, YOU WILL BE the star and host of the party, making all introductions. Do this lucrative party every week at the same locale. Change cafes every few months. Keep investigating different venues: fancy hotel dining rooms, foreign eateries, even country western music places---if the back room is quiet enough for singles, (as there's no dancing, only soft music at your parties as the idea is--people TALK. It's classier this way. Get a fortuneteller from your local metaphysical book store, and let her give 5$ palm readings at a back table, as it amuses, amazes and entertains. She can be a PSYCHIC astrologer or palmreader who brings a plug-in table light so she can SEE. You can pay her l0$ to show up. Also ask your astrologer to pick the really powerful, VENUS or JUPITER nights for your shindigs. You schedule your parties ONLY for those nights. An astrologer can pick them months ahead. So every Wednesday night is not necessarily the tack to take. Pay a trusted and trustworthy girlfriend 10$ to sit at front door with a cigar box to collect money and hand out stick-on name tags. Your girlfriend sits at door so no one can get past her, getting everybody's cash or check and giving nametags, the key to seeing if people pay or not. She says 'oh, you didn't get your name tag, here, sign in our book so we can phone you about the next party.." (weeds out married guys!). YOU will walk around getting acquainted with your guests, making personalized intro's, finding out who they want to meet, what qualities they want in a mate. People have to be introduced, so you can't be at the door. You will need helpers who come for free as an exchange. Partytime, your helper sits at the table near the entry, letting no one get past her without paying. Anyone without a name tag is a crasher. But be polite, say "Oh, you need a name tag," not "you didn't pay." The desk also has a name and address book for people to sign in, then you write or phone them on the next party day. Or get e-mail or fax to send them your flyer or get them to fax it ON to their friends. Create a TELEPHONE HOT LINE (Phone company will give you a voice mail box for 4$ a month. Record message: "Hi, it's the 30-Something Singles. Our regular Wednesday event is 6:30 Wednesdays at the Blue Lagoon, 10$ at the door. But don't forget our Valentine's event Saturday the 14th at the Hermitage Hotel." Leave your address for our postcard or flyer. FLYER should state, "Call our party hotline regularly as we change days and dates all the time." Hang this on bulletin board at work. Give our phone # to your pals! You'll never sit home lonely again! After a few events, when you have a bankroll, advertise in SINGLES COLUMN in local papers. Collect phone #'s at the door in a 'GUEST BOOK," to make reminding your regular easy. I worked for one of the big matchmakers in Los Angeles who made so much $ at her Wednesday night she started a regular Saturday night party called "MUTUAL ADMIRATION, SOPHISTICATED Ladies, YOUNGER men." Widows and divorcees came out of the woodwork, but surprisingly, cute guys who actually like older women appeared too. Another Singles group found a beach jazz club and did a Jazz Sunday and made $5,000 in one afternoon! Creating Singles parties is one of the best things you can do for your community as you can do it at churches to raise money, or for charities. Do it for money so that you can quit your job and study something VALUABLE. Do it for money to travel, quit your job, study something better but most of all do it because you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince. It's true. One in l00 men is perfect. So you have to learn to go slower, and see more detail. I recommend DAYTIME DATING to my clients. Nighttime he buys you dinner, thinks he owns you. Daytime a woman shines. She isn't afraid of his leaping on her bones. He has many daytime dates with you, he falls in LOVE with you, and if you CAN, you will see the real him, (not the predatory guy who is salivating before jumping)..the REAL him. And you'll know if it's loveable. So daytime dates only at first. PLUS, if he goes for it, he obviously INDULGES your whims, an important thing in a man. If he ridicules this tactic, or sees it as a tactic, then he's controlling, the kind of guy who beats women up and whom you don't want. AND IF THIS GORGEOUS GUY IS NO GOOD? If it won't work, have the will power to cut it dead. If you don't have the will power, BUILD IT. How? Get abstinent in other ways: alcohol, tobacco, chocolate, sugar and the will to diet and do your DAILY yoga, then pray to God to take the desire for him out of your heart so you can start being a good mother to your kids years BEFORE they're born! (Hopefully with ANOTHER, BETTER MAN as their father!). Remember, she who has lost a cheating lover and a nickle---has lost a nickle. Now, Pray for strength to work on yourself. You'll be surprised how every time you're pining and insane and sad when you pray to God for peace your mood changes to upbeat and joyous. That's the power of the universe. The only thing love-pain is good for is to teach you that God absolutely exists and he's driving the ship. God CAN give you a GOOD mate. You do not deserve less. TIED INTO A LOUSE? When your sweetheart fails you, don't blame the guy. Don't waste emotional calories in loneliness, despair, yearning or say 'what's wrong with me that he doesn't love me more?'. The simple fact is that some men are incapable of the true, committed love that other, more evolved fellows find easy and blissful. Don't be angry with yourself for the relationship. You're not stupid for having picked that person. You simply weren't seeing all the signs. Next time you will see them and you will pick better. It is your responsibility to create better for yourself. You allowed this clown into your universe. Take responsibility. That's an important thing to do. If you can see how YOU created his being in your life, next time you'll see signs earlier and do better at testing your new pals. You'll show more backbone, dumping non-qualifiers early in the game. If you're in a relationship with a jerk, and you know he's awful, but you love him and just can't break away, keep your energy strong by not blaming yourself. Do not be angry with yourself. Say, 'it is perfect. This is a learning experience.' Meanwhile, 'think' your way out of the relationship. Yes, actually think your way out. A few times a day, remind your unconscious of what your higher self wants. Look in a mirror and say to that person "do I want this man to do the same kind of negligent acts to the CHILD we one day might have?" Then, answer aloud: 'No, I want to protect my unborn children. I want to save them from grief, being scarred by a negligent slob. I don't want more involvement with him." Feel how MUCH that's true, then affirm vocally: "Dear Inner higher self, help me make Joe a distant friend as I do love him, but banish any emotional longings, cravings or passionate love. I will love him from a slight distance. I will resume searching for a mature and loving man who would make a good father. I won't criticize Joe for his lacks but will look on his shortcomings with amusement, as a friend does with a quirky friend." Don't become Joe's advisor, stay out of that terrain. Ex loves fade into friendships that can be special but don't try to be his guru right away. Let a little water run under the bridge, first. WANT TO CHANGE THE personality of the GUY YOU'RE WITH? Remember, you can't work on a man. They won't change. Men and women always make a mistake in the mating game. He marries her thinking she'll never change. She marries him thinking he WILL change. BOTH are destined to be disappointed. So if he's a louse, say goodbye. You'll be surprised how every time you're pining and insane for the guy, and all bent out of shape because he's not with you, when you pray to God for PEACE your mood changes to upbeat and joyous. You are freed up to go do creative work that makes your life work which makes more interesting men find you interesting. You actually become attractive to higher type guys. Inner freedom gives luck. Inner obsession gives bad luck. That's the power of the universe. What you are is what you get. Now, if you want to work on the relationship, phone him up on the astral plane and talk it over. Never PHONE the man you love. Men despise women who reach out for them or ask them for more time or love. Don't do it. Men view women who ask for time or love as contemptible. They only value what THEY have to go after, what other men want and find desirable, what they have to chase, phone, woo and win, and what's HARD to win. But, you can 'go after him' in a subtle way, on the astral plane. Do some yoga. Long, slow breathing with painful stretches. Then, when your body and brain are fully oxygenated and the third eye is open, ENVISUALIZE yourself dressed beautifully as he comes into the room. Ask 'the dream him' a simple question. HEAR his answer. "Do you really love me?" "Are you seeing someone else?" He'll answer the TRUTH as you're talking to his soul. Really, this thing works. You can find out things; ALSO you can 'get agreements,' LIKE--"Will you call me tomorrow after work?" Be specific about time. If he says yes in the astral dream, he will leave work tomorrow then somehow 'remember' that promise--and feel he has to call you. USE METAPHYSICS to make love work. And if it won't work, have the will power to cut it dead. Take every shred of paper, photo related to him, wrap it in black fabric and bury it in back of garage for some future scrap book, to show your daughter and give her this wonderful, precious lesson. ANITA SANDS HERNANDEZ, Astrologer, palmist, psychic, tarot reader and metaphysical writer. During her career acting in Hollywood films, TV, she developed system of "Using The Power Hours" to get jobs, i.e. elective astrology, which she teaches. After she quit acting, she spent 40 years giving readings to all her cinema and television associates and became Stargazer to the Stars, Guru to the Gurus, (Carlos Castaneda, Yogi Bhajan.) She published her secrets in Dell Horoscope June 97, "How to Find Your Power Hours". Staff Astrologer for Moxie Girl magazine. Anita's new age articles are published at her own website, Sightings.com and many others, she has a New Age Archive and daily free astrological readings and free palmistry lessons. A disciple of the Master Jules, she sends chapters from his new book to those who ask, by e-mail. Back To Top ________________________ Fear that He is Having an Affair Life Story no. 3 Robert Elias Najemy Wendy is sure that her husband Mark is having an affair. She has no concrete proof but she just knows it in her heart. She is afraid, disappointed and deeply hurt. She also feels rejected, demeaned, betrayed, and quiteinsecure, not to mention angry. Mark is not actually having an affair yet, but is interested in a woman named Marsha. Until now, they have had long conversations, but both are very hesitant to make that step of coming together physically. Mark wants to continue to see Marsha without Wendy knowing. He wants to be with someone who "understands" and 'accepts" him. Wendy frequently complains to Mark about family problems and how she feels that she is sacrificing her time and her professional satisfaction to be with the children without receiving much in return. She feels hurt that Mark does not appreciate her sacrifices and needs him to show her more love and affection. Ever since the children were born, it has been difficult for Mark to perceive Wendy sexually, and she is not receiving the affirmation she needs from him as a woman. She feels used. Also, her incessant nagging makes her even less inviting to him and he avoids her, physically and emotionally. She perceives this as rejection, and now that she suspects he is seeingsomeone else, her need for affirmation is even greater. She has become increasingly critical, accusing and demanding. The further she pressures him for attention and love, the more he feels the need to avoid her. The more he avoids her, the more rejected and betrayed she feels. In her own way, she is pushing him away from her. By not giving her what she needs, he is augmenting her negativity, which then bounces back at him. They are growing further apart and no longer enjoy each other's company. Belief Analysis Both need to look at and transform their belief systems in order to create a more lively and truthful relationship. Each needs to take responsibility for his and her reality. They can help each other create happiness. Wendy may be limited by some of the following beliefs: 1. My self-worth is dependent upon being loved exclusively by my husband. 2. I am not enough for my husband. 3. I am the victim in this situation. 4. A wife should sacrifice her career for her husband. 5. I have lost something important in life by leaving my professional life. I am a victim of social programming. 6. My husband does not love me. 7. If my husband does not love me, I am not worthy 8. I am not safe in the world by myself and especially with the children. 9. I am in danger of being alone. 10. I need my husband in order to feel safe and worthy. Mark may be limited by some of the following beliefs: 1. My wife doesn't understand or accept me. 2. When she complains, she is rejecting me and I am demeaned. 3. I cannot feel my self-worth when she is rejecting me. 4. My freedom is in danger. 5. I might be happier with someone else. 6. I need someone who accepts me as I am and doesn't complain. 7. I cannot be happy when suppressed by this family situation. 8. I cannot feel sexual with my wife when she is trying to control me. 9. I cannot see my wife sexually when I think of her as the mother of my children. Some beliefs which each could develop in order to free up their love and solve the problem: Wendy might benefit from some of the following beliefs: 1. I am worthy of love and respect regardless of my husband's interests or behavior. 2. I am a vital and interesting woman, enough for any man. 3. I create my reality and life gives me exactly what I need to learn my next lesson in my growth process. 4. My husband and I have equal rights and responsibilities toward work and the family. 5. Whatever I do with love cannot be a loss. I have lost nothing by giving myself to my children. The highest profession on the planet is that of the mother: our future depends upon it. 6. My husband loves me, but is controlled by inner obstacles towards expressing that love. 7. I am worthy of love and respect regardless of my husband's feelings or behavior. 8. I am safe in the world as I am. 9. There are millions of beings with whom I can connect if I feel the need. 10. I am safe and worthy in my self. Mark might benefit from some of the following beliefs: 1. I want to understand and respond lovingly to my wife's insecurities at this time. 2. I recognize her complaints as an expression of her unfulfilled needs and seek to fulfill them as much as possible. 3. I am worthy of love and respect regardless of my wife's satisfaction or behavior. 4. I am a free soul. 5. Happiness exists within me and does not come from an outside source. 6. I accept and love myself as I am. 7. I love my family and gladly surrender my other needs for their welfare. 8. When I focus on my wife, I perceive the being I originally loved on all levels, even physically. 9. I love my wife. I want her to be happy and I behave accordingly. 10. I would never want to behave in a way such as to hurt my wife. Author: Robert Najemy (Author of 19 books - 95,000 copies sold, director of theCenter for Harmonious Living in Athens Greece-with 3700 members and editor of the ezine "Clarity - The Psychology of Happiness".) (Adapted from the "The Psychology of Happiness" by Robert Najemy available at http://www.Amazon.com and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com. This book and other writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can also download FREE articles and e-books.) Back To Top _____________________ HOW TO REORGANIZE FOR HAPPINESS AFTER A DIVORCE QualityBooks.com The big thing about going through the experience of a divorce is that it leaves you completely worn out and drained of desire to go on with your life. Typically, divorces shatter the hopes and dreams - the ambitions - of both parties involved. Most of the time, the one who's been victimized feels that he or she has no more purpose or inspiration for achievement. He or she feels that whatever they do, it won't matter to the person they most wanted to do for, so what does it matter what they do with themselves. This is the wrong kind of thinking! You musn't let yourself think along these lines! Divorce is terribly hard and an emotional blow that's difficult to recover from, but it should not be "taken" as the end of everything. You have to accept it as the end of one period or chapter of your life; look at it as an opportunity for a new beginning, and build a better you from there. Above all else, don't panic. If you panic, you can't think, and in order to make any progress in life, you've got to think. Don't get dramatic and over dramatize your woes either in your imagination or in words - spoken or written. If your immediate situation seems overwhelming and you're unable to see how you'll ever make it through the next week, don't start crying and feeling sorry for yourself - it will only bog you down with the inability to think clearly. Don't allow yourself to engage in post-mortems and/or nurse regrets. It's important that you forget about the past - let it rest - there's nothing you can do to change it - accept your situation as it is, and build your life to what you want it to be from this moment onward. One of the most important things for you to do is to list on paper exactly, your present situation and then, one at a time, list your options and possible solutions to each problem. Don't worry about finding a solution for everything all at once; just try to see clearly what your next step ought to be. Always ask yourself what the right course is - remembering that if what you do isn't right, then it's wrong; and no wrong action ever works out right. It's imperative that you understand the emotional injury of your situation, but at the same time, it's also imperative that you not stand still. In other words, you must quickly - without delay - regain control of your life and get on with the attainment of all your ambitions. You do this by expunging the past, taking stock of your present situation, and making plans for the rest of your life - by deciding what you want out of life and how you intend to get what you want. Do it on paper and set realistic goals for yourself, as well as dates for attainment. Happiness in life is a feeling of inner satisfaction you feel when you enjoy whatever you do - your work, your leisure time activities, the people you associate with, and acceptance by the people you most to impress... It doesn't come from harboring grudges - from attempting to be something you're not - from expecting the world and/or the people around you to cater to your problems or desires - or from your position or status in life... Indeed, happiness comes from your association and inner-action with other people. Thus, following a divorce, you must immediately begin mingling with other people and not only be empathetic relative to ways in which you can help them, but also interested in them as people. The more you reach out to help others, the more help you'll receive in return; and at the bottom line, the greater your own personal happiness. So, in order to attain happiness after a painful divorce - you must "close the book" on everything in the past; take stock of your present situation; lay out a "game plan" for what kind of life you want; start moving in a positive direction to achieve your ambitions; and even if you have to force yourself, make new friends and enjoy yourself. Don't go around sizing up or evaluating every man or woman you meet as a possible candidate for your next marriage - get on with your life - do what you have to do to attain your ambitions - inter-mingle with people and be a real friend - give yourself and other people a chance - and when the time is right, love will find you again. You musn't go looking for happiness or love for as surely as you do; you'll never find it. You must be satisfied with yourself as a person - whatever it is you're doing, you're doing your best; attempting to always improve yourself; and you're moving in a positive direction towards the fulfillment of the kind of person you want to be - and, you enjoy mingling with people; talking with them; helping them; and doing things with them. Remember, to attain success in life you have to know what it is you want and how to get there. Once you're on a positive road towards the attainment of success, you'll find that it will come easily and quickly. With a positive direction in life, you'll feel better about yourself and associating with other people as a friend will come about automatically. You'll no longer think about the world or other people as threatening - in fact, you'll enjoy being alive and the dawning of each new day - and that's when you will really be happy. Again, it's a matter of getting on with your life - of forgetting about the past and moving positively towards the things that you want in life. Give in to the hurt you feel and you'll surely waste away - Consider this a new start in life and it can all be yours - whatever you do, the choice is yours... Note: This article was written to assist online readers. You are invited to use it in your publication or web site. The only requirement is the inclusion of the following resource box at the end of the article... QualityBooks is an absolute goldmine of secret information, how-to-guides, reports, software, money making guides, business opportunities, financial advice, personal/health reports, electronic books, consumer reports, internet marketing guides, internet marketing software, FREE stuff, money savers, cheap internet services, secret websites and much, much more. Please visit us today! http://www.QualityBooks.com No time to visit the site? Subscribe to our FREE, weekly Newsletter. Just send a blank message to subscribe@qualitybooks.com and as bonus you will immediately receive a list of over 70 TOLL-FREE 800 numbers to call for FREE BOOKS! Back To Top ________________________ Want to see more articles?
________________________ |
